Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
