Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
