According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
