Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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