one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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