Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
