apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Randomize
