i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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