some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
