nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please don't give away my fajitas
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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