8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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