You're my little dorito
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
