sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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