Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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