I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
