last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize