There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
