I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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