We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
