More tranny stories later!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
