I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
