fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
