i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
