Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
