he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
