we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
