I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
