And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
