theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
