yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
