you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
