Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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