Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
