dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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