okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
