he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
