WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
