i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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