Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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