you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
