Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
