you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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