Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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