yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
