mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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