I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
