Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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