I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
