I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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