My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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