Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
