there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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