The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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