My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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