I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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