you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
