That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
