I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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