Whod you bang
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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