this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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