Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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