Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
