I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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