i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
