Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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