It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
