my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
