Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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