I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
