I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
