Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
