True but thats because hes a fetus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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