you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
