note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
