I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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