The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
