She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
