It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
