I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
