38 yer olds are good kisserssss
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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