i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
