she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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