I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
