I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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